how to discuss divorce settlement

How to Negotiate a Divorce Settlement with Your Spouse: 10 Strategies You MUST Know.

• 1. Understand Your Finances BEFORE You Open Your Mouth. If you don’t know what your financial situation is, or you don’t understand how your finances ...
• 2. Learn Your Legal Rights and Responsibilities – Especially Regarding Your Kids.
• 3. Negotiate Based on Interests Not Positions.
• 4. Know Your BATNA and your WATNA.
• 5. Know What You (AND Your Spouse) Want and Need.

Full Answer

What should you ask for in a divorce settlement?

What you need to know:

• Who is responsible for the debt after divorce?
• Credit card, tax and personal loan debt
• Student loans
• Any lawsuits, including bankruptcies
• Life insurance policies in divorce settlement
• Long-term care insurance in divorce settlement
• Wedding and engagement rings in divorce
• Separation of credit and bank accounts
• College tuition for the kids

More items...

What should be included in a divorce settlement?

• Date of your marriage
• Date of your separation
• Why you’re getting divorced
• If you have any, the names and ages of your children
• Your current living arrangements and addresses

What am I entitled to in a divorce settlement?

What you are entitled to in your divorce settlement is dependent on your individual circumstances. Normally it is the matrimonial assets that are up for debate in divorce settlements. Matrimonial assets are assets that were acquired by either party while married or with income earned while married.

Can a divorce be granted before the settlement?

You do not have to reach an agreement before you separate, but you can. You may also enter into a marital settlement agreement after you separate or after you file for divorce. In many cases, however, the parties involved may not be able to reach an agreement until divorce proceedings are about to begin.

When a divorce settlement is unfair?

However, if you received a truly unfair or unjust divorce settlement, you may be able to ask a court to reopen your case and take a second look at how the deal was made and whether or not it's unjust. You should know that you will have a very heavy burden in terms of getting a divorce settlement turned over.

What is leverage in a divorce?

What Is Leverage & How Do You Get It? Leverage is what you need to incentivize the other person to settle. This might be information, money, or anything that you know will cause the other side to want to resolve the case, and more importantly in a way that you want it to settle.

How do you negotiate with an ex?

Staying Calm while Negotiating with Your ExTake a Deep Breath. To help you stop spiraling into emotional reactivity, nothing beats taking a few deep breaths. ... Release Negative Emotions. ... Create the Big Picture. ... Don't Give Away your Power. ... Pick Your Battles. ... It's Not Personal. ... Own Your Part. ... Get Support.More items...•

How do you win a case against a narcissist in a divorce?

Here are a few tips to help you maintain your emotional health during your divorce if you believe your spouse is a narcissist.Set Realistic Expectations. ... Assemble Your Support Team Early. ... Set Boundaries for Yourself. ... Consider Therapy. ... Document Everything. ... Hire an Attorney Who Has Worked With Difficult Personalities.

How do narcissists deal with property settlements?

Take care of yourself and put yourself first. Whether it's journaling, spoiling yourself, meditation, therapy, or something else, make taking care of yourself your number one priority. Make sure that you have a support network on standby including family, friends, and external support services.

How do you win a negotiation with a narcissist?

Negotiating with narcissistic people can be challenging as they may lack empathy, be focused on winning, and be unprepared to change. Tips for negotiating with a narcissist include listing triggers and preparing responses, setting a time frame and being clear about one's goals.

What can you negotiate in a divorce?

How to Negotiate a Divorce Settlement with Your SpouseFocus On Interests Not Positions. ... Be Careful Of “Hard Bargaining” ... Be Careful Not To Destroy The Relationship With The Other Side. ... Recognize The Other Side's Perceptions & Emotions. ... Take Control Of Your Own Emotions.More items...

How do you increase leverage in negotiations?

In a negotiation, to gain leverage, attempt to position the opposing negotiator in a light that's less flattering per her or his position. Show control with your anger, environment, other negotiator, and yourself. Think about where you come into a situation. That will determine your perspective of it.

What can you negotiate in a divorce settlement?

How to Negotiate a Divorce Settlement with Your SpouseFocus On Interests Not Positions. ... Be Careful Of “Hard Bargaining” ... Be Careful Not To Destroy The Relationship With The Other Side. ... Recognize The Other Side's Perceptions & Emotions. ... Take Control Of Your Own Emotions.More items...

What gets split in a divorce?

A division of assets in a divorce refers to dividing the assets and earnings accumulated during the marriage and assigning items to each spouse. This can include income, pension funds, retirement funds, investment accounts, real estate, or even debt.

Who gets the house in a divorce?

Ideally, all assets should be divided out between you and your husband or wife. This includes the marital home, even if only one individual contributed to its purchase or acquisition. The division of assets is usually based on the financial needs of each person.

How do you get on top of a divorce?

6 Divorce Tactics to Win a CaseEstablishing a Solid Defence. In highly contested divorces, both spouses will have a reason why they believe the courts should agree in their favor. ... Forming an Attack Theory. ... Building a Compelling Story. ... Dissipating Any Anger. ... Rehabilitating Your Client. ... Negotiating the Agreement.

What does a divorce settlement agreement cover?

A divorce settlement agreement is a legally-binding document in which you and your spouse agree on the terms of your divorce and can cover a full r...

How is divorce settlement agreement finalized?

You’ll take your completed divorce settlement agreement to court, and if the judge finds nothing that contravenes state or federal laws, he/she wil...

Where to find necessary legal forms for divorce settlement agreement?

First, you should acquire the necessary legal forms from your courthouse’s law library or from your state’s or province’s government court or justi...

What details do I need to fill in for divorce settlement agreement?

You’ll need to fill in all relevant information about your marriage, including: The date on which you got married, the date of your separation, nam...

When does the divorce settlement agreement become legally binding?

You would have to state the fact that you and your spouse both accept the terms of the divorce settlement agreement contained in this document (tha...

What is a spouse’s separate asset or debt?

Generally speaking, anything that was owned or owed by one spouse previous to the marriage remains their separate asset or debt.

What constitutes marital property?

Anything acquired during the marriage with marital funds is marital property – even if only one spouse used the item.

What assets are divided in divorce?

Only marital assets and debts are subject to division on divorce.

What can be termed an asset during divorce?

As an “average” couple, you may have a variety of assets: such as a house, car, electronics, recreational vehicle, sports equipment, memorabilia, e...

How to divide marital assets in divorce settlement agreement?

You’ll need to communicate with your partner and iron out all the details of who is going to own what property and assets and how everything is goi...

How to negotiate a divorce settlement?

The following tips can be useful when you are negotiating a divorce settlement: 1. Consider Mediation. Mediation can save you thousands of dollars in attorney's fees and court fees. The mediation process will involve a neutral third-party mediator (usually a family law attorney).

What Is Included in a Divorce Settlement?

A divorce settlement agreement is a document where divorcing couples agree on what the terms of a divorce should look like. The agreement may cover several issues, including:

What do you need to know before you divide your assets?

Before your assets can be divided, you have to determine whether a given property is marital property or separate property.

What should a prenuptial agreement show?

Some couples may already have a prenuptial agreement that shows how their property should be divided post-divorce. If not, they will need to come up with a fair settlement acceptable to both. A fair settlement should first identify marital and separate property and address only how marital property is divided.

How is property divided?

States usually follow one of two ways to divide the property: 50/50 (community property states) or through equitable distribution.

What are the legal issues involved in a divorce?

There are a lot of complicated legal issues that come with a divorce. Drafting a divorce settlement that covers custody, child support, property division, and the like can be a very demanding task, especially if you and your spouse are not in agreement. Speaking to a divorce attorney may be a great place to start to get proper guidance.

What is equitable distribution?

Equitable distribution means the judge will look at each case and determine what is fair. The judge considers a number of things are before reaching a decision. These include: Earning capacity of the spouses. Financial resources and income potential of the spouses. Length of marriage.

What can you agree to in a divorce settlement?

Of course, when creating a divorce settlement agreement, you can agree to assign certain items or categories or marital property to one spouse or the other. For instance, you can agree that each of you will keep the clothes, gadgets, phones, computers, etc. that you used during marriage, as well as any items with more sentimental than real value.

What is a settlement agreement for divorce?

A divorce settlement agreement is a legally-binding document * in which you and your spouse agree on the terms of your divorce and can cover a full range of topics, including child support, spousal support, division of property, custody and visitation rights, and any other issues that are relevant to your situation.

What does "es" mean in a divorce?

This could mean that one or you has moved out of the family home, or that you’re currently living “separate and apart” in the family home, and the current situation and location of your children or other assets that you wish to name.

What does "separate and apart" mean?

the date on which you got married, the date of your separation, names and ages of any minor children of the marriage, the grounds for your divorce (irreconcilable differences, which can be proved by living “separate and apart” for a specific length of time) Your current living arrangements and address (es). This could mean that one ...

What are the assets of a married couple?

As an “average” couple, you may have a variety of assets: such as a house, car, electronics, recreational vehicle, sports equipment, memorabilia, etc. Some of these will be separate and some will be marital.

What to do if your partner is not civil?

If matters are not quite so civil, you’ll need to think about hiring a lawyer, solicitor or attorney who can talk to your partner and their representation on your behalf.

Is a divorce agreement binding?

In the next section, you’ll want to talk about the fact that you and your spouse both accept the terms of the agreement contained in this document (that your divorce will be uncontested); this acceptance and your witnessed signatures will make the contract legally binding.

How to negotiate divorce settlement?

Seek first to understand, and then to be understood. If you can’t understand the other party’s perceptions, you’re not going to be able to negotiate properly in your case. Notice by saying perceptions we’re not talking about reality. More often than not it is perceptions and emotions that lead to a party agreeing or not agreeing to a settlement. Understanding the emotional triggers and the perceptions of the other party can help you think creatively, better respond to the perceived reality, and resolve the emotional part of your divorce settlement.

What to focus on after divorce?

Focus On Interests Not Positions . After divorce papers, there’s nothing more important during divorce settlement or divorce negotiations than to remove yourself from positional bargaining. This is the time to allow yourself to focus on the main interest that you’re trying to satisfy.

How to prepare for divorce mediation?

The take away is that in every divorce case it is vital that you prepare for divorce mediation by making sure that financial disclosure is complete , and that your divorce attorney has done a good job of analyzing the facts of your case and applying them to the law. This will help ensure that you don’t end up in a situation with a poor deal. Conversely, understanding all the facts in your situation will help you keep an eye out for a spouse that is uninformed or under-informed. If that’s the case, you may have an opportunity to resolve your divorce case to your benefit.

How to get divorce amicable?

Being transparent, communicating, and trying to work out terms of a settlement can be helpful and lead to an divorce amicable resolution. Sometimes, however, you and your spouse may have mistrust for each other or emotional problems that make negotiations impossible or impractical.

How to educate a misinformed spouse?

This can be done through the use of financial and marital asset disclosures. It can also be done through the use of motion practice, letters from your attorney to the other attorney, or even at divorce mediation through the divorce mediator.

What is the importance of communication in divorce negotiations?

Communication can help solve problems and help parties get to the crux of the matter.

How to solve trust discrepancy in divorce?

We can solve this trust discrepancy by being transparent. So for example, if the other side has requested financial discovery, it is often best to gather all discovery as quickly as possible and to organize it as neatly as possible before turning it over to the side. Sometimes it can be as simple as reaching out to the other spouse and asking him or her, “is there anything else such as bank documents that I can get you that will help you in preparation for our divorce settlement negotiations?” Making such an offer and then fulfilling it can show the other side that you intend to operate in good faith. This can build trust, and lead to fair divorce settlement.

Preparing to Discuss Divorce

Few conversation topics elicit such highly charged emotional reactions as divorce. It’s no wonder, then, that many people are hesitant to discuss divorce with their spouse. While there is no one right way to do so, know that how you broach this sensitive topic can shape how your divorce unfolds.

Patience Will Pay Off

Also bear in mind your children will be affected by the divorce. Being patient and cooperative from the beginning can set the tone for the entire divorce. Less conflict can mean your child copes better. Let this guide your first discussion and those to come.

What happens to your property when you divorce?

However, your separate property is not divided and remains the sole property of the spouse who originally owned it. If there is any separate property of significant value, list it for each spouse.

What is the first line of a divorce agreement?

Name the parties to the agreement. The first line of any agreement lists the names of the parties to the agreement. For a divorce settlement agreement, the parties are you and your spouse. Here, you can also specify what each of you will be called throughout the rest of the agreement.

How to write a divorce letter?

Include a statement about your separation and pending divorce. After the information about the marriage, provide the date you and your spouse separated. Then list who filed the divorce proceeding, the name and location of the court where it was filed, and the case number.

What to include in a marriage agreement if you don't have children?

If you don't have any children, include a statement to that effect .

Do you need a notary to sign a divorce agreement?

Most states require divorce settlement agreements to be notarized. You and your spouse need to take the unsigned document together so you can both sign. The notary will verify your identification, witness the signatures, and then affix their seal.

When to use a simple disclosure?

Use a simple disclosure if property is minimal, or has already been split up. If you and your spouse have been separated for quite some time, chances are you've already decided who gets what. If that's your situation, there's no need to go into specific detail in the section of your agreement that divides property and debts.

Is divorce stressful?

Divorce is stressful even in the best of circumstances. However, if both of you can agree on how you want property and debts to be split, the process can go a bit more smoothly. If you write a divorce settlement agreement, you and your partner have more control over the process.

What to do when you ask your spouse for divorce?

Be ready for your spouse's reaction after you ask for a divorce. If asking for a divorce is going to come as a shock to your spouse, be prepared for anger or retaliation as a response. There are a ton of emotions that go along with divorce.

How to tell your husband you want divorce?

The very first thing you need to do before you decide how to tell your husband you want a divorce (or wife) is to be brutally honest with yourself and be absolutely sure you want a divorce. All marriages have ups and downs. So are you thinking of telling your spouse you want divorce because nothing else you’ve said or done over ...

What does it mean when a partner doesn't want to divorce?

A partner who does not take the request to divorce seriously signifies that either they are not wanting to divorce (religious reasons, don’t believe in the concept of divorce, fearful of divorce, etc .) or they are in denial of the state of the marriage (telling themselves it is a healthy marriage when it is not).

What to do when you come at your spouse?

If you come at your spouse with anger, frustration or blame, don’t expect him to respond calmly. Instead, be as gentle and compassionate as you can be, yet firm in your decision. You'll want to be direct, but also respectful and kind. Think about how you would want to be told if the shoe were on the other foot.

What emotions do you feel when you get divorced?

Once you’ve approached the topic of divorce, chances are you’ll both be dealing with a lot of intense emotions. Some of those emotions – like anger and resentment – can be toxic to your ability to communicate with one another and move forward in a peaceful way.

Can a reluctant spouse get divorced?

It can be very frustrating to approach divorce with a reluctant spouse, especially if your goal is to keep the divorce process as peaceful as possible and avoid involving divorce attorneys and winding up in family court.

Is asking for divorce amicably important?

Remember, every choice and action counts when it comes to divorcing amicably. And asking for divorce nicely is an important step in the right direction.

What is the most contentious aspect of divorce?

Dividing up property a couple has acquired throughout their marriage (also known as marital property) can be one of the most contentious aspects of divorce. Luckily, divorce attorneys can help alleviate some of your legal and financial stresses by advocating for a division of property that works in your favor.

Is divorce exhaustive?

As you can see, the above list extensive -- yet, it is not exhaustive. Every divorce is different since every couple enters and leaves a marriage under different circumstances and with different assets. Therefore, to ensure no property is overlooked, it is always a good idea to have an open and frank conversation with your attorney regarding all ...

Is it a good idea to have an open and frank conversation with your attorney regarding all of the property?

Therefore, to ensure no property is overlooked, it is always a good idea to have an open and frank conversation with your attorney regarding all of the property and assets relevant to your case.