how to negotiate in a divorce settlement

How to Negotiate a Divorce Settlement with Your Spouse

• Know What You Owe and Own. It’s a good idea to check into your financial situation before even considering negotiating...
• Be Willing to Compromise. Never take the hard-bargaining approach to negotiation. Bringing an uncompromising attitude to...
• List Your Needs and Wants. Entering into an agreement that doesn’t hit...

Full Answer

What are the negotiation strategies for divorce settlement?

Divorce Settlement Negotiation Strategies 1 When Facing Separation or Divorce, Be Prepared to Negotiate. ... 2 Resolve how college tuition will be paid. ... 3 Reevaluate your retirement plan. ... 4 Negotiate the best health insurance coverage for you and your children. ... 5 Calculate the long-term costs of keeping the house. ...

What to do if your spouse is not willing to settle?

If your spouse is not going to budge on one item, go after something similar, or two smaller ones which may have an even greater value when combined. Here are tips for negotiating a fair divorce settlement: 1. Lawyers and mediators are quite skilled in assessing and dividing property and investments.

How can I negotiate my divorce if my spouse is angry?

The key, though, is not letting your emotions rule the negotiation process. When your spouse becomes angry or attempts to drag you into a disagreement, step back. Take some time to cool down and let your attorney summarize the issue so you can move forward.

What happens if you can't agree on a divorce settlement?

However, if you and your spouse cannot reach an agreement, or if the agreement you reach is obviously skewed unfairly to one side, the Superior Court steps in and splits your property and debt equally. Now that you’re familiar with the concepts you’ll have to deal with, here’s how to negotiate during divorce.

What a woman should ask for in a divorce settlement?

What Should I Ask for in a Divorce Settlement?Your Marital Home. Think about what you want from your marital home. ... A Fair Share of Assets. ... Retirement and Investment Accounts. ... Fair Debt Division. ... Parenting Time. ... Child Support and Alimony. ... Your Child's Future Needs. ... Take the First Step with Coumanis & York.

How do narcissists settle divorce?

Here are 7 steps to take to survive a divorce with a narcissist.Keep yourself clean by steering clear of mudslinging. ... Communicate with your ex only through lawyers. ... Anticipate your ex's charms will work on the court. ... Document everything you can as accurately as you can.More items...•

When a divorce settlement is unfair?

However, if you received a truly unfair or unjust divorce settlement, you may be able to ask a court to reopen your case and take a second look at how the deal was made and whether or not it's unjust. You should know that you will have a very heavy burden in terms of getting a divorce settlement turned over.

What will a narcissist do when you tell them you want a divorce?

A narcissist will fight you on child support, property division, and alimony. It's not uncommon for them to try and hide assets and income, too.

Can a judge see through a narcissist?

When confronted with facts, the person will likely allow their true nature to come out. A judge can see firsthand the combative, abusive, and controlling nature of the narcissistic parent.

How do you outsmart a narcissist in a divorce?

Here are a few tips to help you maintain your emotional health during your divorce if you believe your spouse is a narcissist.Set Realistic Expectations. ... Assemble Your Support Team Early. ... Set Boundaries for Yourself. ... Consider Therapy. ... Document Everything. ... Hire an Attorney Who Has Worked With Difficult Personalities.

What you lose in a divorce?

Most men experience a 10–40% drop in their standard of living. Child support and other divorce-related payments, a separate home or apartment, and the possible loss of an ex-wife's income add up. Generally: Men who provide less than 80% of a family's income before the divorce suffer the most.

How can I avoid losing money in a divorce?

Protecting Your Money in a DivorceHire an experienced divorce attorney. Ideally, this person will emphasize mediation or collaborative divorce over litigation. ... Open accounts in your name only. ... Sort out mortgage and rent payments. ... Be prepared to share retirement accounts.

Is there a time limit for financial settlement after divorce?

Currently there is no time limit for former couples to apply for financial settlements after divorce, meaning that many individuals are at risk of their former spouse lodging a financial claim against them, even decades after the dissolution of marriage.

How does narcissist treat wife?

Narcissists view partners as trophies under their power and may expect partners to show deference and adoring behavior throughout the relationship. Manipulation of a partner is emotional abuse, and narcissists resort to some pretty low behaviors if they feel that they are losing their hold on a partner.

How do you outsmart a narcissist?

How to Outsmart a Narcissist Separate yourself to cut off their narcissistic supply. Take time to heal. Take responsibility for your part in a conflict. React with empathy and respect. Act unresponsive around them. Disengage from their conversations. Set and enforce clear boundaries.More items...•

How do you tell a narcissist your marriage is over?

How To Tell Your Narcissist Spouse That You Want A DivorceTips For Breaking The News.Understand narcissistic injury. Narcissists are brittle people. ... Don't blame the narcissist. ... Stick to your guns. ... Hire a reasonable attorney. ... Respond strategically.

Do narcissists grieve divorce?

Many empathetic types worry about how the trauma of the divorce is affecting their children. Some may even feel compassion for their spouse as they remember the love that once was. A narcissist doesn't view a divorce as a sad affair or the end of a family unit. Instead, they see it as a personal attack.

Will a narcissist ever divorce you?

Narcissists are simply preoccupied with their own needs For all of these reasons, narcissists do not initiate divorce. They are simply preoccupied with their own needs, and as a result, they completely ignore the state of the marriage or their partner's needs.

Why narcissists drag out divorce?

Knowing that you are able to move on without their influence can be unbearable for them. They crave your dependence and loyalty above all else. Without you, they will feel the need to act in an aggressive or jealous manner. This can make a simple divorce case quickly turn into a drawn out affair.

How to negotiate divorce settlement?

Seek first to understand, and then to be understood. If you can’t understand the other party’s perceptions, you’re not going to be able to negotiate properly in your case. Notice by saying perceptions we’re not talking about reality. More often than not it is perceptions and emotions that lead to a party agreeing or not agreeing to a settlement. Understanding the emotional triggers and the perceptions of the other party can help you think creatively, better respond to the perceived reality, and resolve the emotional part of your divorce settlement.

How to prepare for divorce mediation?

The take away is that in every divorce case it is vital that you prepare for divorce mediation by making sure that financial disclosure is complete , and that your divorce attorney has done a good job of analyzing the facts of your case and applying them to the law. This will help ensure that you don’t end up in a situation with a poor deal. Conversely, understanding all the facts in your situation will help you keep an eye out for a spouse that is uninformed or under-informed. If that’s the case, you may have an opportunity to resolve your divorce case to your benefit.

How to get divorce amicable?

Being transparent, communicating, and trying to work out terms of a settlement can be helpful and lead to an divorce amicable resolution. Sometimes, however, you and your spouse may have mistrust for each other or emotional problems that make negotiations impossible or impractical.

How to educate a misinformed spouse?

This can be done through the use of financial and marital asset disclosures. It can also be done through the use of motion practice, letters from your attorney to the other attorney, or even at divorce mediation through the divorce mediator.

What is the importance of communication in divorce negotiations?

Communication can help solve problems and help parties get to the crux of the matter.

How to solve trust discrepancy in divorce?

We can solve this trust discrepancy by being transparent. So for example, if the other side has requested financial discovery, it is often best to gather all discovery as quickly as possible and to organize it as neatly as possible before turning it over to the side. Sometimes it can be as simple as reaching out to the other spouse and asking him or her, “is there anything else such as bank documents that I can get you that will help you in preparation for our divorce settlement negotiations?” Making such an offer and then fulfilling it can show the other side that you intend to operate in good faith. This can build trust, and lead to fair divorce settlement.

What did the second child do in divorce?

The second child threw away the fruit, and used the orange peel to bake a cake. Don’t assume your divorce is a zero-sum game whereby a dollar to your spouse is one less dollar to you. Look for the win-win.

What Should I Ask for in a Divorce Settlement?

If you’re like many people, you’ve heard divorce stories that run the length of the entire spectrum — some people say, “She took everything from me!” while others say, “We had a fair settlement. Actually, maybe I got more than he did.”

How Do You Negotiate Spousal Support?

Before you begin negotiations, remember that the judge in your case will only sign off on your agreement if it’s fair to both of you — and if the paying party can reasonably afford it.

What to do when one spouse doesn't agree to spousal support?

When one spouse doesn’t agree that the other needs spousal support, negotiating for it can be incredibly difficult. You may need your attorney to step in. However, if you’re both in agreement that some spousal support should change hands, make sure that you can see things from your spouse’s point of view.

How to help your spouse collaborate with you?

Ask questions to help your spouse collaborate with you. Think about saying things like, “I’m worried about being able to pay a sitter while I’m at school. What are your ideas?”

What is equal property settlement?

That means the property you acquire (beginning on the day you marry and ending on the day your marriage ends) is supposed to be divided equally between you when you divorce. A property settlement agreement is the agreement you and your spouse reach to divide your property equally and fairly. Equal doesn’t always mean 50-50, though.

What to ask for in a divorce case?

The answer is simple: Ask for what you need to be reasonably satisfied with the outcome. Remember, too, that the judge is unlikely to sign off on anything that’s patently unfair (to you or your spouse). Don’t ask for the house, the cars, all the furniture, your savings accounts and half your spouse’s retirement — even if you’re pretty sure you deserve all those things.

What happens when you divorce?

When you divorce, you’re dissolving your marriage contract. While that seems like an unfeeling way to look at things, it’s how the law sees it—and your property division is no different. Treating property division as a negotiation process can make things much simpler.

How to get divorce fast?

Never take the hard-bargaining approach to negotiation. Bringing an uncompromising attitude to a divorce negotiation will get you nowhere fast. In most cases, an all-or-nothing approach leads to impasse, which then causes a breakdown of the negotiations.

What is collaborative divorce?

Collaborative divorce is another option to resolve your divorce with the help of trained, experienced collaborative divorce professionals. Negotiating a divorce settlement without legal representation is not for everyone.

What to do if you are not sure about your financial situation?

If you are not sure about your financial situation, you can ask your spouse to sit down with you and share information so you both understand what will need to be addressed in order to reach a settlement. You can also reach out to a financial expert before negotiating finances.

When is the next divorce date in 2021?

Date: March 30, 2021. Most attorneys will try to convince you that negotiating a divorce on your own is a bad idea. That is because it is their job (and their training) to negotiate for you. In many cases, you should seriously consider hiring a lawyer when negotiating a divorce settlement, but believe it or not, it’s not always necessary.

Can a divorce be settled without legal representation?

Sometimes, letting a judge decide is the only way to get a reasonable result. Negotiating a divorce settlement without legal representation is not for everyone .

Can you negotiate a divorce settlement?

Negotiating a divorce settlement might not work for every couple, but in certain circumstances, working directly with your spouse can save you time and money. Negotiating a divorce agreement with your spouse can be tough, but it may be an option to avoid paying the high costs of hiring a divorce attorney and having your lawyer negotiate for you. ...

Is collaborative divorce a good option?

COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE IS ANOTHER PEACEFUL DIVORCE OPTION. Divorce litigation can be scary and emotionally draining for you, your spouse, and your children. But it doesn’t have to be that way with collaborative divorce.

Research Your Legal Rights and Responsibilities

You and your spouse have certain legal responsibilities that cannot be negotiated away. An attempt to do so will result in refusal of the proposed divorce settlement agreement by the judge. It is also essential that you understand your legal rights because it is possible for you to negotiate them away.

Check Your Emotions

No matter how amicable, a divorce will be an emotional affair. A potential benefit to retaining the services of a divorcee lawyer is that it helps to eliminate the excess emotions. However, emotions are not necessarily bad. They are only problematic when you let them get in the way. Think positive. Get ample rest.

Set Mutual Ground Rules

Negotiation should start with agreeing on ground rules. Determine when, where and how you will negotiate. Agree on a neutral site. Establish a timeline and a deadline.

Be Flexible

In order for a divorce to be amicable, it is important to be flexible and to work to ensure that any agreement benefits both you and your spouse. Keep an open mind. Brainstorm alternatives when there seems there are none, and be willing to concede at times. You both will have to.

Negotiate Based on Interests

A common mistake when negotiating a divorce with a spouse is bargaining from a position rather than what your interests are. If you focus on what is important to you rather than what you have a right to, you may relinquish your position at times, but you will likely gain more ground and at a faster pace.

Identify Needs and Wants for Both Spouses

Not only is it useful to negotiate based on your interests but the interests of your spouse. Wants are important, but needs are integral. If your spouse has a need and you seek to negotiate a settlement that does not meet that need, you likely will not be successful, and you will at the very least fail your spouse.

Know Your Finances

Another common mistake is not having a full appreciation of your finances, and it is not uncommon in marriages for one spouse to have much greater awareness of the money situation than the other. This lack of knowledge puts you at a disadvantage and could lead to a wide range of bad decisions.

What are the factors to consider when negotiating a divorce settlement?

Here are the seven most important factors to remember when negotiating your divorce settlement: 1. Money Will Almost Always Become an Issue in Divorce.

How to not feel bad about a settlement?

Remember not to make offers during negotiations out of feelings of guilt and “give away the farm.” Seek out the appropriate professional help and information, so that years from now you do not feel bad that you agreed to a settlement too quickly.

Do you have to do your research before signing a settlement?

Do your research before signing your legal agreement, and have a professional complete at least your first tax return after legalizing your financial settlement. These are the seven most important factors to remember when negotiating a settlement.

Does divorce affect taxes?

Many Divorce Decisions Have Significant Implications for Your Tax Return. There are many available claims on your tax return, especially with respect to children, which can save you significant tax dollars. The rules for most of these are complicated – especially as they apply to separated parents.

What should be included in the expense package for separation?

Keep in mind that any reduction in your standard of living during this transition period may be used as grounds for providing less support in the future. Tuition, extracurricular costs, childcare, health care, recreation, transportation, housing and food should all be accounted for as part of your expense package. Therefore, when negotiating the terms of your separation agreement, think carefully about the priorities you set and the decisions you make, as these choices will most likely serve as the basis for your final divorce decree.

How long does a spouse have to have a health insurance policy after divorce?

Take note that under COBRA (the Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act of 1986), if a spouse's employer has 20 employees or more, the spouse's employer must allow the other spouse to have a policy with its health insurer for three years after the divorce.

How to complement retirement savings?

To significantly complement your retirement savings, you may need to rely on an investment portfolio. While some investments may involve your assuming greater risks than others, they may be more likely to produce higher returns, particularly if you are years away from retirement.

Can a divorced woman lose her financial security?

Because most states require that assets be split equitably, not equally, the unfortunate reality is that many divorced women usually end up losing economically. And if you have dependent children, the quality of life for you and your children could be severely compromised.

What to expect when going through a divorce with a narcissist?

When going through a divorce with a narcissist, you should expect your spouse to focus on “winning” and gaming the court system. Expect your spouse to try to use the court system against you during and even after the divorce. Always remain calm and stand your ground.

What does it mean to win a divorce with a narcissist?

For narcissists, winning means that their opponent gives up and gives in to whatever the narcissist demanded, no matter how ridiculous.

What Is a Narcissist?

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a condition in which a person inflates their importance, according to the Mayo Clinic. If your spouse has a narcissistic personality, they have a deep-seated need for attention and admiration. One of the core features of NPD is a lack of empathy for others. People with NPD have troubled relationships with relatives, friends, and coworkers.

Why does my wife not have NPD?

They will likely refuse to recognize your feelings or needs. Your spouse may not have NPD, despite the narcissism you have experienced during your marriage and divorce. Their lack of empathy may be a symptom of antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), which is a disorder associated with having no conscience. Narcissism and lack of empathy are on ...

How to get your spouse to be angry?

Your spouse may try to get you to become angry or hostile during negotiations. Losing your temper can make you look bad before the judge. Set boundaries. A narcissistic spouse may try to communicate with you outside of the courtroom or meditation sessions.

How to help children through divorce?

By having your children see a therapist or counselor, you give them an outlet to deal with the divorce. You also may have an objective third-party opinion regarding how the spouse’s behavior has impacted the children and the parenting arrangement that is best for them. Be prepared to leave your emotions at the door.

Can you negotiate a divorce settlement with a narcissist?

Negotiating a divorce settlement is not appropriate if you have been the victim of narcissistic abuse, which is a form of emotional or psychological abuse perpetrated by someone with NPD or ASPD. Attempting to negotiate a divorce settlement with an abuser places you at a significant disadvantage.